Do you ever truly know?

When do you truly understand?

If the universe is infinite, wouldn’t that mean that right when you think you’ve hit this ultimate point where all your worries and problems disappear  for good, there’s another level?

Isn’t that frustrating? I think it is. You spend years of your life dedicated to a certain belief system thinking whole-heartedly that this is It! Then you think you have it all figured out, and for maybe 10 seconds life is okay. Then it’s back to your problems and challenges. Hmmmm, that’s not fair! Lol

Well I’ll tell you my experience, I went for a long time having these beliefs, that were ultimately negative for me, thinking “well I have the knowledge, respect me.” I thought I “got it” to some degree. So I figured I don’t need to go back and read the basics, I understand how all this works.

Nnnnnnnnnnot quite.

So I went back and started reading the basics, and surprise surprise, I didn’t truly “get it”. My ego dominated and made me believe I understood, even though I was suffering. It wasn’t until I decided to crack the books open again and read that it hit me, “wow how did I not read this one sentence, this changes everything!”.

With the spirituality I work with, Higher Balance, I wonder if there ever is a pinnacle point in my awakening that I just get it and all problems disappear. I say this because the knowledge in those books is weird. You can spend 20 years studying it and mastering it, then decide to pick up the first book again just for a refresher and you start reading and go “Holy shit! how did I miss this! This changes everything! Again!”

So it’s like you are in this limbo state of thinking you understand, but not truly “getting it” as my teacher would say.

I guess it never ends. I guess the master is always the student. I guess there is always something to learn no matter how advanced you think you are, myself included!

I guess this is a lesson in Ego and Humility. A lesson in confidence, but not arrogance. “I am confident in my beliefs, I know it to be true, but do I think I have it all figured out? No. There is always more.” And in that last sentence, it gives you what you have been searching for your whole life. All you have to do is put your bad ego to the side and accept that you are nothing, you are a speck of a speck of a speck of a speck living on a speck that exists in a speck. Easy enough!

I guess it’s the images we conjure up in our minds, the stories we tell ourselves. “Oh this is exactly what the master looks like, this is what he does, this is what he can do, now I have to be able to do that otherwise I’ll never be the master.”

How do you truly know, that you are the master? Is it a realization? But even that realization could be your own bad ego lying to you making you believe you “get it” yet still suffer, or still experience negative things.

The idea of a spiritual master fascinates me. They successfully navigated this mind field of an existence and became extremely self realized, to the point where they can do miracles. I guess they truly know how far down the rabbit hole goes. And they can take you there with them!

I’m young, I’m 22, and as much as I think I haven’t progressed in life, I have gotten a bit wiser.  Things don’t have to be so extreme. It doesn’t always have to be either or. You may run out of money and end up on the streets but fuck it, why not? Experience fully the pain of being homeless to get the feels like of the pain that will become solidified in your being as something you commit to yourself will never happen again so long as you breathe. But even that’s extremist.

I guess another thing I learned is that you can kinda cheat in life, at least when it comes to mental or emotional stuff. Take a backdoor, forget the rules that have been planted in your brain for a while, forget the conditioning, be free. Cheat!

The rich do it!

Aging is like a fine wine – Eric Pepin



P.S. – if you are in a funk that seems you will never be able to get out, download my short eBook below! Enjoy!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *